This novel stemmed from my natural dislike of celebrities.

It’s not celebs as a breed but it’s the sheer idiocy of them believing their own publicity. “Do you know who I am?” My response is always the same; “what bloody difference does it make who you are?”

Some years ago I read a quote from one actor who described cynicism as a form of envy. What twaddle. He was an actor who had made a lot of money in a comparatively short space of time. Do I envy him his status, his money, his fame? Not a bit of it. He doesn’t have one thing that I would want. If I’m cynical it’s because I hear pontificating bullshit like that. He obviously knows less about life in the real world than my grandchildren. For me celebrity status ranks a person one step above a politician and two steps above alleged reality TV show hosts like Jerry Springer and Jeremy Kyle, and there isn’t much of a gap between the three.

But I took this to its logical extremes and created a world 100 years in the future where celebs had it all, encapsulated in the Recognition of Celebrities Act, which gives the celeb caret blanche in every aspect of life. There are few rules to prevent them doing whatever they want. Rape, for example, can never be rape if the celeb screws a woman in his own place. They have special traffic lanes which only they can use. Ordinary people can be fined or imprisoned for insulting them.

It’s a bizarre world where TV in its latest form holovision, has taken over the lives of everyday folk.

The tale centres on Cliff Devries, an actor in a long-running soap opera, Bleaker Cove, who earns ten million a year, and who has his cushy, protected life threatened by a mysterious organisation called CHAFF. When Anton Chiversleigh, a robotics engineer, alters the programming of Mechano, Cliff’s personal servobot, so that Mechano insults Cliff and his friends every time they give the machine an instruction, Cliff sues and Chiversleigh is sent to prison. Cliff step up the heat on Cliff.

His dictatorial boss, Sir Orlando Verdonk, corners Cliff who walks out on everything to uncover the threat of CHAFF, but in doing so, he has a rude awakening to life on the street and the only way he can make money is to strip for women at a Blackpool club.

Essentially, the tale lampoons the way our celebs believe in themselves, and the manner in which TV has taken over our lives. It may come as no surprise to you to learn that I hate television. I rarely switch the thing on and I’d rather curl up with a good book, or listen to some music. Many people will think me odd, but the TV bosses may be disturbed to learn that I’m far from alone. There are hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of people who find no need of TV.

In the extract that follows, Cliff has arrived back at the studios and is with his Bleaker Cove co-stars, Julius Quigley and the gorgeous Emma Penton.

Extract